23 months my boy

Well my Nolie Polie Olie you would be 23 months old today, last night mommy was crying holding onto you in your urn,with your blankie and sleeper in my arms as well.I just miss you so bad , please dont be mad at mommy for i am longing to hold you again. We talk about everyday wheather that be in the shower, in the car, outside, grocery store anywhere! pretty much everything we do reminds us of you little man because you did go everywhere! so those memories will be us everywhere we go.I feel sometimes i get this feeling a strong feeling like i can almost touch you when i close my eyes and think about you, your almost there in my arms.My dreams have been about you alot lately they are very real i can smell you, touch your hair,feed you, everything i should be doing for you i can in my dreams.I love those dreams i wish i never woke from them at times. I know sister is missing you badly we couldnt leave the house without the other day, she went to your crib and picked you out and said "we have to bring my nolie too" so we did! Daddy is also missing his boy alot, you are his twin it amazes me. Your 2nd birthday is next month June 25 im feeling scared but i know you will help through it, we are going to celebrate you but im going to miss you hard that day, you are just amazin little boy that made a huge impact on our lives.I love you for everything you did with your time with us, and forever im thankful for you. Love mommy,daddy, sister.xoxoxox

Your Strength

Well today was Mothers day, I missed you the same just like everyday day Nolie.Saturday was a special day for me, i was nominated along with 19 other Fabulous mommies for Fabulous Mother of The Year, knowing we were all fab to begin with so nothing changed even when the judges decided.Mommy had to answer a question it was tough for me, but i felt you there.It was really hard for me to get up and speak about what happend even though you were such a miracle, having to tell everyone you had passed away was heart wrenching.I wanted to just curl up into a ball and cry at that very moment.I thought i keep it all together aand tell what was on my paper, but i couldnt i was mixed in my emotions that the words couldnt fully come out, it was a blur when i sat down.I thought gosh i never even answered my questioned! i just cried and trembled in my voice telling about the things you did.I introdeced you to everyone! you were a star, everyone awed over beautiful face.I love my big man, i hope my public speaking gets easier over time right now its just all new and very emotional. I hope your proud of me baby boy. you are one strong boy, i wish i had just half the strength you had.Love you.

P.S. i Hope you LOVED the balloons we released for you today, sissy was excited to give you them.

Fabulous Mother Of the Year!

I am thrilled that our now i lay me down to sleep photogrpaher Trina Lewis nominated me for this opportunity...i was chosen with along with 19 other fabulous mothers out of all alberta! Vote here on facebook if you like, just like my picture and your vote counts! i speak saturday mothers day weekend, if i win i get a fabulous vacation away. thank you!!

https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/photo.php?fbid=125652164178153&set=a.125652110844825.26518.113850778691625&type=1&theater